Hmmm...

Why do we bother even making this sound? Come on...be honest. You already know that you don’t like or don’t agree with what the other person is saying.  So what holds us back from finding a way to communicate this clearly. Hmmm...a gentle way to let someone know that what may follow next could be unpalatable for them. However, the trick in this is that this bleat of ambivalence is often misinterpreted or mis-read as to meaning something it does not. In the ears of the hearer it may sound like just a small shift in perception or agreement is required to get the point accepted.

People on the autistic spectrum, say with Aspergers, seem to have no problem telling it as it is. We all laugh at the characters Lou and Andy in Little Britain. Andy seems to show a remarkable consistency in communication when he declares “I want that one” or “I don’t like it”. I have never heard him say “Hmm, I’m not sure, let me think about that one”. No hedging, no grey, fuzzy thinking. He may change his opinion through 180 degrees now and again but when he says it he seems to really mean it.

Clarity in communication is very much a two way street. The trouble seems to stem from the reality that there are layers of communication or perhaps more accurately trust that have to be traversed before we can arrive at a point of truly honest exchange and understanding. Like most people, we try to avoid deliberately upsetting others and we worry about the possible adverse impact on the participant in the conversation. Aren’t we really focusing on our presumption of offense. Are we really more at ease if our dialogue partner goes away with a false impression that provides comfort for the time being and is then later disappointed when they learn that we really thought the idea / suggestion stank? Not only are they disappointed in our response they also learn we are not entirely straight, honest and truthful. Hence, by osmosis and association, their despondency attaches to us and not just the item being discussed.

It’s not easy to communicate with integrity. We have to own our own true thoughts and feelings and relay them in a way that is congruent with our thinking. Whose responsibility is it for how they are decoded and interpreted by the listener...mine or the listener’s?  Surely I can only take full ownership of my thinking and expression and maintain a healthy boundary of expectations when communicating with others.

So, in a more Apsergery spirit, I say down with “hmm”, let’s all take a breath and tell it like it is or like it may be. All done in the best possible taste of course.

The Sales Controversy